poke it with a stick. etc.

145

2012-02-17T13:50:00.001-08:00

'sit in someone elses shoes.'
- dave

144

2012-02-17T13:49:00.000-08:00

'You are so short, quit looking at me!'
- jeffry lee

143

2011-12-18T17:01:00.001-08:00

'there is approximately one too many stop signs here. I am going to ignore this one.'

142

2011-08-07T17:06:00.000-07:00

'if we go to the grocery store we can eat what we buy'

- diana

141

2011-07-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

'this isnt my first rodeo'
- aves

140

2011-04-04T05:06:00.000-07:00

'some of my best men were still on the march' - mark

139

2011-01-14T15:34:00.001-08:00

'poco, we dont pee on our friends!'
- diana

138

2011-01-02T08:05:00.001-08:00

'here comes rock and roll!'
- aves

137

2010-10-23T09:53:00.001-07:00

'well, you dont want a hairless wabble'
- miranda

136

2010-10-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

'this place is fabulous! there's a sign on the back of the door to look at while i go potty!'
- avery

135

2010-10-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

"i'm starving! i need a margarita!'
- julie

134

2010-07-20T20:43:00.001-07:00

'keep your wits about you, sis!'
- mark

133

2010-07-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

'does this make me hungry, or does it look gross?'
- miranda

132

2010-05-09T08:36:00.001-07:00

'i laugh at one in every five jokes. i'm trying to keep the quality up.'
- diana

131

2010-05-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

'first off, my sister just said 'shnoodle'.'
- diana

130

2010-05-01T09:09:00.001-07:00

'i have the macguyver song stuck in my head.'
- diana

129

2010-03-08T10:32:00.001-08:00

'i do not know things.'
- aaron

128

2009-12-30T10:28:00.000-08:00

'do you think cold-blooded creatures are what vampires look for when they want something refreshing?'
- craig

127

2009-12-30T07:50:00.001-08:00

'i'll tweet the deets'
- tosh

126

2009-11-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

'you cant start a diet in the middle of the week, thats ridiculous.'
- charles barkley

125

2009-10-27T09:56:00.001-07:00

'i object to being summarized. i choose every word i say very carfully.'
- mack

124

2009-10-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

'the galaxy tastes like raspberries'
- larry

123

2009-10-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

'cut down tree, hollow out tree, make oars, then row an oak, virginia.'
matthew theissen

122

2009-09-11T05:32:00.001-07:00

'how does it feel to have your bones itemized?'
-brawny

121

2009-08-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

'its a bit like comparing apples and speedboats.'
- craig

120

2009-08-30T12:17:00.001-07:00

'you don't get that from the wind'
- david

119

2009-08-22T22:44:00.001-07:00

'sit down to be small, stand up to be tall'
- jeffry lee

118

2009-08-22T11:23:00.002-07:00

'stop being pesky, swipper no swipping!'
- tweets

117

2009-08-22T11:23:00.001-07:00

'dont call me slowpoke, call me fastpoke!'
- bubba

116

2009-05-27T14:00:00.001-07:00

'what does I.O.U. stand for?'
-roger

115

2009-04-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

'i do'
- diana

114

2009-03-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

'we'll probably go to grand haven to their boat and drive up and down the canal playing 'i'm in a boat'.'
- freddie

113

2009-02-08T09:22:00.000-08:00

'i'll build a fire, but i'm not talking to the monkey while i'm at work'
- miranda

112

2009-01-05T18:57:00.003-08:00

'you do love a good worry'
- mark

111

2009-01-05T18:57:00.001-08:00

'you done wit dat?'
-aaron

110

2008-11-30T11:46:00.001-08:00

'i haven't been there, but i saw a picture of your butt next to it'
- kelsey

108

2008-11-27T20:44:00.000-08:00

'what are you going to be for halloween, aves?'
- jill
'panties'
- aves

107

2008-11-09T08:42:00.001-08:00

'because there's nothing cooler than a sneaky button.'
- diana

106

2008-11-03T18:52:00.001-08:00

'i dont listen to poll numbers, i count lawn signs. get ready, america, for president remax!'
stephen colbert

105

2008-10-22T16:49:00.000-07:00

'watch rome burn.'
-chad

104

2008-09-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

'so, do you think vin diesel tells his agent 'i want to do more movies with attack drones!'?'
- aaron

103

2008-09-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

'comparatively, king poseidon seems but a dullard'
- russell brand

102

2008-09-11T15:13:00.001-07:00

'if i had a dollar for every time i said that, id be making money in a very strange way.'
-mitch hedberg

101

2008-09-11T14:52:00.000-07:00

'this throws another wrench in the fire.'
-mom

100

2008-09-06T14:44:00.000-07:00

'skadoosh!'
-po

99

2008-08-22T11:06:00.001-07:00

'why do people point at their wrist when they ask for the time, but they dont point to their crotch when they as for a bathroom?'
- unknown

98

2008-08-09T13:44:00.000-07:00

if wylie coyote had all that money to buy acme stuff, why didnt he just buy dinner?

97

2008-08-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

if its only 2% milk, whats the other 98% made of?

96

2008-08-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

'are you living like a pioneer, honey?'
- diana

95

2008-07-28T13:45:00.001-07:00

' if your good at something, never do it for free.'
- joker

94

2008-07-01T17:56:00.002-07:00

'when your 20 you really care what other people think of you,
when your 40 you dont care what other people think of you,
when your 60 you realize other people arent thinking of you.'
- randy

93

2008-07-01T17:56:00.001-07:00

'a good tenant is like a good pet- only they pay you.'
- jeffry lee

92

2008-07-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

'i didnt mind when oil prices hit $4 a gallon, i just figured i was getting better gas.'
- steven colbert

91

2008-05-12T17:42:00.001-07:00

one of the younger sisters of a student drew a card for me after my grandma died. she drew this funny picture of me. its hilarious, she got everything right, even the plaid shirt!

90

2008-05-10T15:00:00.001-07:00

'shes a little bit 'tarded, but you cant tell by looking at her'
-dad

89

2008-05-05T08:55:00.001-07:00

a question i was asked today at work:
'mr b, what is a foreskin?'
what a strange job i have...

88

2008-04-04T21:32:00.000-07:00

'go ahead, help yourself. its like potato salad, theres enough for everybody.'
adam

87

2008-03-15T11:58:00.001-07:00

i got a book of random pictures from a hilarious guy named angus oblong. he signed the book for me. he is friends with adam, so i made sure he wrote something mean about adam.

check out his website, its hilarious.

86

2008-03-06T14:12:00.000-08:00

'i felt like a plumber at a flower show'
-glen hansard

85

2008-02-18T15:41:00.000-08:00

'maybe im feeling old and lame,
like a lawyer with no one to blame.'
- jon foreman

84

2008-02-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

'why isnt this so awkward i cant stand it?'
-kooch

83

2008-02-07T15:31:00.001-08:00

'you strike me as a man who wouldn't want to waste his chair'
- no country for old men

82

2008-01-29T14:26:00.000-08:00

"a puppy is fine for christmas, but what then for sandwiches the next day?"
-craig ferguson

81

2008-01-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

'you wouldnt need all that bait if your belly were full of fish'
-pushing daisies

80

2008-01-03T21:42:00.001-08:00

ive been cow tipping before. its easy, you just walk up to them, slip them a couple singles, 'there ya go, buddy'...

-craig ferguson

79

2008-01-02T23:41:00.001-08:00

'hello?'
-craig ferguson

78

2007-12-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

'is it? is it?!?'
national treasure 2

77

2007-12-25T20:07:00.001-08:00

'all my hinges hurt'
juliana

76

2007-12-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

in springfield we went to the tomb of lincoln. afterword we checked out a terribly cheesy souvenir shop. while there, i happened upon an awesome bendy toy of lincoln. so, of course i had to get it. it currently rests on my desk at work. yes, the mini gettysburg address in his hand is actually readable. awesome.

75

2007-11-13T15:10:00.000-08:00

"quit pissing on my inner fire!"
-jeffry lee

74

2007-09-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

"i got me a hankerin' to pontificate."
juliana

73

2007-09-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

"i played bean bag toss with my mother for like, two hours this afternoon."
rex

72

2007-09-21T23:37:00.000-07:00

"im the fifth dentist."
Jeffry lee

71

2007-09-21T23:36:00.000-07:00

"thats like asking a bum for a quarter!"
jeffry lee, with an assist from rexy

70

2007-09-19T18:44:00.001-07:00

"There’re only six things you need if you want to snag a good woman: A guitar, chicken, wine, a car, running water, and some permanent markers. If you don’t have a guitar, a lute will do. You get those six things and you’re Don Juan, trust me."
creed

69

2007-09-13T09:36:00.001-07:00

'human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
- douglas adams

68

2007-08-31T12:48:00.000-07:00

'its got complimentary colors, and thats real nice.'
'it was old, but now its new.'
-rick

67

2007-08-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to post a picture of one of my favorite disney characters: launchpad mcquack.

66

2007-08-16T23:02:00.000-07:00

"it doesnt matter. stop."
graham

65

2007-08-16T22:52:00.000-07:00

nancy leigh

born: 7-21-07
died: soon...

64

2007-08-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

"water is like a magician, sawing you in half. it feels as if you were cut in two, part of you, the lower part, sugar, melting, dissolving away. cool water, and every once in a while a very elegantly stumbling wave that fell with a flurish of lace."
-ray bradbury

63

2007-08-07T15:56:00.001-07:00

'the following statement is true. the preceding statement was false.'
-george carlin

62

2007-08-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

"we should get jerseys, cause we make a good team.
yours would be better than mine, cause your out of my league."
-reliant k

61

2007-07-26T22:57:00.001-07:00

'he used the harry potter cloak down there, huh?'
-cary

60

2007-07-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

yesterday i tried something new. for the first time in probably two years, i wore a t shirt.
and i liked it.

59

2007-07-18T18:52:00.001-07:00

i looked out the window this morning, and it was orange outside.

58

2007-07-09T00:25:00.001-07:00

"missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"
-jackson

57

2007-07-08T00:30:00.001-07:00

"oh ill feed you, little birdies"
-daniel tosh

56

2007-07-06T01:12:00.000-07:00

"so it goes."
-kurt vonnegut

55

2007-07-05T13:39:00.000-07:00

thoughts on heaven:
"where every sad thing will become untrue."
-andrew osenga
"home. to the land of our fathers, where the sun rises forever."
-andrew osenga

54

2007-07-04T18:47:00.000-07:00

"let your heart rage like a lion, let your heart break like a lamb."
-andrew osenga

53

2007-06-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

"hey, you dont mind my kids throwing peanuts at your heads, do ya?"
-drunk guy at founders brewery

52

2007-06-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

when are pears in season?

51

2007-05-30T18:45:00.001-07:00

a picture of me taking a picture of a phone with a picture of me taking a picture of the phone.

confused?

50

2007-05-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

bingo wings: that unsightly, wiggly flab that hangs down from old peoples upper arms when they wave at you.

49

2007-05-13T20:04:00.001-07:00

dont be so open minded that your brains fall out.

48

2007-05-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

paper-rock-scissors-spock-lizard. because with just three options, its way too easy...

47

2007-03-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

"oh, hello edge..."
- me

46

2007-03-16T14:35:00.000-07:00

"irony, old friend, we meet again."
-craig ferguson

45

2007-03-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

"bring me my writing trousers, i feel a song coming on!"
- billy connelly